By Ryan Loose
"This is why we can’t take you anywhere." I hear that a lot, especially when I go out to eat with family or friends. I’m what some might refer to as a ’flailer’. I use my hands and arms to talk. Which in turn leads to my other title - Hello, my name is Ryan and I’m a glass spiller. You laugh, but I know I’m not the only one.
As every glass spiller knows, there’s nothing more uncomfortable than having to sit through an entire meal with a lap full of icy cold water, or soda, or beer. And how awkward is it when you have to get up to go to the restroom? Kind of looks like you already did, doesn’t it? Plus, trying to dab up a huge puddle on your table with a handful of tiny bev naps is just impossible. Then the server comes over with a mound of dinner napkins and half the people at the table are lifting up plates and purses and menus, and the other half are cracking heads together because they’re all trying to clean up the mess at the same time, and everyone else in the restaurant is staring and chuckling to themselves, "glad I’m not a glass spiller," and you’re just sitting there wallowing in a lap full of ice water hoping beyond hope that their glass tips over while they’re chuckling and spills all over their lap... It’s a chaotic dance of mayhem and it happens way too often. There’s got to be a way to put a stop to this for good!
Is it physically possible? I don’t know. But here are a few ideas. I’m interested in a glass that looks like a proper drinking glass. Not a plastic cup with a lid and a straw that reminds you of a grown up sippy cup. Something like a glass tumbler, or a pint glass , or if possible a wine glass with a counterweight in the bottom, so if the glass tips, the weight is redistributed and it sits back down before the contents can spill all over the place. We can call it The Pendulum Glass. Or maybe a product like a cradle / coaster that sits on tiny wheels at the table, so if you bump your glass, it just rolls gently away but stays upright until you can grab it. The Glass Buggy. Believe me, I’m not a scientist by any means. The idea of a tip resistant glass might be the insane dream of a mad man, a mad man with half a glass of soda on his pants, but that’s why I’m throwing these ideas out to the ingenious world of inventors, in the hope that they can create a cure for the glass spiller dilemma. Please hurry though. There are a lot of restaurant customers out there with soggy laps.