Thank you for finally being over this year. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate your existence or anything, but you really seemed to go overboard on the whole cupid / love aspect. I mean honestly, entire restaurants shut down for three evenings this year for you. You couldn’t have just taken Sunday the 14th for wining and dining; noooo, you had to take Friday and Saturday night down with you too. Really now? Really? Where are single girls like me supposed to go for a drink? It’s time that I move on from you. I’m writing this letter to you to inform you that there’s another holiday coming between us. Singles Awareness Day is just so much more considerate than you are to singles like me.
Yes Valentine’s Day, this year I realized that I could not bring myself to participate in your flurry of festivities. It’s not that I didn’t know they were going on or anything; actually I’ve been quite aware of your existence since January 2nd when the New Year’s decorations came down and your obnoxious hearts and arrows went up. You know, those arrows could really knock an eye out. You must be more careful.
But back to the issue hand. Singles Awareness Day is the new holiday for me. It’s trendier than you, and a lot more fun I have to admit. When else can single girls and guys go out on the town and celebrate singlehood? Chic restaurants have taken onto this trend too. While I am not entirely happy at these establishments for taking your side this past weekend, I think we are going to make up tonight when I go out with my girls. They have everything I am looking for, without any of your pink or red warpaint.
These ultra-hip restaurants and bars have rather donned green beverage napkins for us singles tonight. Yes, you heard that correctly. Green. The opposite of red. Oh, and since all of us girls will be out on the town without clingy men by our side, these restaurants are even equipped with plenty of purse clips. We don’t need men to hold our purses for us anymore with these handy hooks.
What’s more Valentine’s Day? You stole Saturday the 13th from us, so we are now seeking revenge. Yea, I did just go there. Saturday the 13th was the last day of National Jell-O Week. It started on February 7th and ended on the 13th this year. That was our last chance to get out and rightfully partake in Jell-O shots to celebrate the wiggly, wobbly, treat of flavored gelatin mixed with the perfect blend of adult beverages. Thanks Valentine’s Day. Thanks.
Just so you know, tonight thousands of single men and women will be taking back that chance as they hit the bars. Hopefully those restaurants have stocked up on Jell-O shooter mix and disposable barware!. What a perfect way to end Jell-O Week our way. We don’t need any heart-shaped cookies or colorful cupcakes. . . No, we have friends; single friends at that, to celebrate our singleness with.
Now, I know how you love to send cards and chocolate and flowers and whatever else you and your commercialized holidayness cannot get away from, but don’t bother this year Valentine’s Day. Singles Awareness Day has my heart this year.
Farewell until next year,
A happy single.